hooty_hoo

...

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:57:01 GMT

I just talked to Hayley on the phone for over an hour and I have come to the conclusion that I'm psycho. I have serious issues. I set myself up to get hurt. WHO DOES THAT? Only a mental person. Like...... I put myself in just these incredibly STUPID situations. I walk right into the problem... and now Hayley just kind of laughs at me and is like... are we still in this same spot? How is it that I haven't progressed emotionally in the last 10 months. Why am I still feeling the same way now that I felt last October. oh yeah... cuz I'm crazy. I need to freaking move on with my life. Nate squared is coming home this summer and one of them will be in Idaho in the fall. Whatever with that though... if I didn't like him before he left, I'm probably not going to like him when he gets back. Stanley is just over. Logan isn't til March... and who knows where I'll be next winter. hopefully in a different country. oh my gosh... I am just so frustrated with myself right now.

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 23:16:57 GMT

I am feeling just such a mix of emotions right now. It's so weird... all the things I have been looking forward to are finally approaching and I find myself dreading them.

I'm moving over to 409 tomorrow. I'm really so excited for this. Living with Ashley and Sarah and all those girls is gonna be so fun and just a really good thing for me... but at the same time... I'm gonna miss my roommates. OK... 80% of my roommates. Since there are 5 girls I'm leaving and I'll miss 4 of them... Lauren is that 20% I really don't care about. Like... It's been weird with her. She is incredibly fake. But I guess I can't really talk, cuz I can't stand her, yet I'm nice to her?!?! Anyway... I really like Kate and Brit and Marge a lot and I'll miss all of them. Kate is just such a good example to me. She's 22 and knows exactly what she wants. She's gorgeous, smart, fun... she's just an awesome girl! Britney I don't think has had the easiest life... but she always has a smile on her face no matter what. Even when the loser guy she was dating of a jerk for a week. She's just a complete sweetheart. And Marge is just hilarious. And don't even get me started on Ducky. I'll miss her the most of course. But I am excited about heading over to the other side. :-)

Nate comes home in one month. ONE FREAKING MONTH!!! I have been counting down to this event for 710 days. The first 6 months, filling in a circle daily, and the past 17 months marking 7 circles every sunday. Now I don't want to do anything. I'm terrified for him to come home. It's actually like a feeling of dread in me. I think it's the disappointment that will follow when nothing works out with him. I've had him on such a pedestal for so long... and now... everything is just going to come crashing down. Everyone says... Hope for the best, but expect the worst. I'm just expecting the worst on this one and hoping for some fragment of a friendship.

Ryan is dumb. Like... I'm so sick of indecisive guys. I feel like that's my life story. And it's not that he is indecisive... he just sends mixed signals, and I'm sick of trying to figure out what he means when he says something or when he does something... or how he responds to something. I'm just way too analytical. I need to stop reading into everything and just go with the flow... but that's just not me and it's so hard for me to just not care and let things go the way they want to go. UGH! oh well. Something to work on.

I have one more final... and it's the only thing standing between me and a 4.0 this semester... so I'm feeling a bit of pressure. If I can just get a 93% or better on it then I will be a happy camper... but yeah... that's thinking incredibly optimistically... so we shall see.

boooored...

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 05:52:17 GMT

I love these little things from Bri. I doubt that anybody even reads them, but they definitely provide some entertainment for me!

TEN LAYER DEEP: WENDY

LAYER 1:
- NAME: Wendy Vaughn Hansen
- BIRTHDATE: 9-11-1984
- BIRTHPLACE: Minneapolis, MN
- CURRENT LOCATION: Rexburg, ID & Provo, UT
- EYES: Blue
- HAIR: Blonde
- RIGHT-HANDED/LEFT-HANDED: Right

LAYER 2:
- YOUR HERITAGE: Irish, Scandinavian, English
- YOUR WEAKNESS: online shopping, diet coke, chocolate chip cookies
- YOUR SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: mega tall flip flops
- YOUR FEARS: Not being able to have kids, losing one of my parents early
- YOUR PERFECT PIZZA: cheese... lots of yummy cheese
- GOAL YOU'D LIKE TO ACHIEVE: I'd really like to live in NYC or DC or London or all 3 before I get married!!!

LAYER 3:
- YOUR THOUGHTS FIRST WAKING UP: Almost every morning I think my alarm clock is the fire alarm and I'm usually a little panicked...
- YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: Probably my hair
- YOUR BEDTIME: late... although I did go to bed at 9:30 the other night... but it's usually not before 2:30 or 3
- YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: I miss Football games and Basketball games... I think I'm going to buy BYU football tickets with Nate this fall so that I can come down for the games

LAYER 4:
- PEPSI OR COKE: Diet Coke
- MCDONALD'S OR BURGER KING: McDonalds
- SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: I like both!
- LIPTON ICED TEA OR NESTEA: no tea
- CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: chocolate!
- CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: ?

LAYER 5:
- SMOKE: no
- CUSS: sadly... i've let a few slip recently
- SING: whenever I'm drivin
- TAKE SHOWERS DAILY: um... definitely!
- WANT TO GET MARRIED: very much so!
- BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: 99% of the time... there is always a little doubt, but I usually over power it
- THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE: haha... sometimes... I know when I'm having an "ugly" day
- THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK: I'm generally pretty healthy
- GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: I heart my parents! We're very close!
- LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: love em
- PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: violin and the recorder in 4th grade :)

LAYER 6 (in the past 6 months):
- GONE TO THE MALL: um yeah! The physical mall and the online mall!
- EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF OREOS: no
- EATEN SUSHI: yes
- BEEN ON STAGE: yes
- GONE SKATING: I went rollerblading around coplands with my brother... very fun!
- MADE HOMEMADE COOKIES: pretty much weekly with ducky... it's one of my weaknesses, as listed above
- GONE SKINNY DIPPING: no
- DYED YOUR HAIR: yep
- STOLEN ANYTHING: no

LAYER 7 (ever..)
- BEEN TRASHED OR EXTREMELY INTOXICATED: no
- BEEN CALLED A TEASE: yes
- GOT BEATEN UP: I'm surprised "the ashley's" haven't tried to jump me in the parking lot

LAYER 8
- AGE YOU HOPE TO BE MARRIED: hopefully before I'm 25... but I'm not gonna count on it if I follow the trend of my sisters
- NUMBER AND NAME OF CHILDREN: MUCHOS HIJOS!!! I want a BIG family!
- HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE: don't like to think about dying... I just hope I'm living the right way.
- WHERE DO YOU WANT TO ATTEND COLLEGE: I'd love to go back East... Maybe NYU?? I dunno. I'm happy in Idaho for now!
- DREAM JOB: I always wanted to be a news anchor when I was younger... or play in a Hollywood orchestra and make movie soundtracks... I think that would be incredible!
- COUNTRY YOU WANT TO VISIT: I'm finally going to Paris this summer... and I've been to Australia. I'd love to go back there... and I would LOOOOVE to go to Vienna and I think Italy would be AMAZING!

LAYER 9 (in a girl or guy)
- BEST EYE COLOR: something extreme. I think deep brown eyes are pretty attractive if they have the right skin tone, but I'm generally a fan of the blue. But Nate has the most gorgeous brown eyes!
- BEST HAIR COLOR: I don't date many blondes... just Andrew Ford I think... but Ryan is blonde and we all know I've got a major crush on that boy
- HEIGHT: ya know... I'm short, so it doesn't really matter. Short guys I can kiss standing up and it's easier... but Logan was so tall and I loved how much bigger than me he was and that he could pick me up off the ground and I'd be 6'5" with him... very fun!
- BEST WEIGHT: I like guys to be strong... and a little bit thicker than skinny. I'd rather a buff bigger guy than a skinny but cut guy.
- BEST FIRST DATE LOCATION: just something easy going. I know some certain loserish people accuse me of being high maintenance, but when it comes to dating I'm really not very hard to impress... I'm a fan of dinner and a movie. Just cuz I love movies... and you can talk over dinner. I just have to have SOME kind of a connection with the guy.
- FIRST KISS LOCATION: somewhere romantic and not trashy... and in a way that it can't get messed up... I never forget first kisses, and so far I haven't been disappointed. Except Andrew Chappell... cuz he was the worst kisser ever... ew! Awards go to Nate and Logan... my stomach was doing flips for days with those two boys!

LAYER 10
- NUMBER OF PEOPLE I COULD TRUST WITH MY LIFE: everyone in my family... and I have a few good friends who I trust 100%
- NUMBER OF CDS THAT I OWN: um... I own a good few... a huge case full
- NUMBER OF PIERCINGS: just one hole in each ear
- NUMBER OF TATTOOS: None
- NUMBER OF TIMES MY NAME'S BEEN IN THE NEWS: ? a few times in high school
- NUMBER OF SCARS ON MY BODY: major scars... huge one on my right knee from when I wiped out in the hart, big one across my forward and one through my eyebrow... and just a bunch of random little ones
- NUMBER OF THINGS IN MY PAST THAT I REGRET: I always have little regrets, but when I get over it... I'm happy. I was stressing the other day and Ryan gave me a hug and said, Wenz just think about it. Will it matter in 5 years? Will it ever matter in 5 weeks? And he's right. I try to live with no regrets.

hmm... all done

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 07:47:47 GMT

so i'm currently supposed to writing a critical book review that's due at 9:30 am tomorrow morning, along with another paper I haven't started, but this seems more fun. It's already been an insanely long day and getting longer. It's 1:30 in the morning and instead of getting in bed I'm working on papers that aren't even fun. I'm sorry... but Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I've read better thankyou. It wasn't bad... I just don't know how I'm gonna write a 4 page paper on it when I pretty much skimmed the last half. Should be interesting.
I practiced 2.5 hours today. yeah, that's a lot for me. 2 hours is when I really start to get tired and bored of playing... so 2 1/2 was really pushin it. BUT... I don't wanna bomb my lesson tomorrow, which right now, isn't looking very promising. I'm sure Ashton gets so bugged with me. He teaches the best violinists at the school... and although I'm the best in the summer orchestra... fall/winter symphony is a whole nother story. eeek. oh well. wish me luck!
I'm finally getting focused on crap thats important. I don't think I'm gonna move. 1) I'm too lazy and 2) I'm comfortable here. I like my roommates and we're all settled to eachother. Uprooting myself in another 3 weeks would just kind of suck. Who knows about fall though. I definitely wanna change it up... and I kinda wanna do it alone. I love making new friends and I think it would a frightening but fun new challenge to move somewhere else and meet all new girls. Maybe colonial or nauvoo house. or maybe just another apt in the ridge. or maybe down to tuscany... ? who knows. That might be a little too close to somebody I'd rather not live next door too. gosh... maybe by fall I'll just wanna stay put. I'm definitely not living in Rexburg next winter, even though I have no idea where I'll be, the idea of moving in somewhere just to move out four months later is kind of an annoying thought.
I'll probably just end up in Provo next winter. It's all just depending on different things. It depends on nate and job opps and $ and my parents and a mission. holy cow mission. Yeah... I don't think I'm goin.
ok... I'm actually gonna go write that review now. g'night g'night ;-)

meh

Thu, 26 May 2005 06:18:17 GMT

been a while eh? somebody sent me a message and asked me to update the other day... but yeah... i have no idea who. I'm exhausted. Wednesdays are my busiest day of the week. Like... I have my 7 am class... then I practice for an hour and a half... then I have another 75 minute class... then I have my hour lesson... then I have another hour class... then I have 2 hours of orchestra. And then I come home. Yeah... I'm on campus for 8 hours. ew! I love it here though. Like... I can't stand the town... but I love my friends and meeting new people and having people to hang out with and guys to flirt with. There was one guy Brandon who I kind of liked... but quickly realized that he was way way way to femme/metro sexual for me and that I really didn't like him at all. That was a big dramatic saga for a few days. And then there is Ryan. He is the cutest boy in the world! So nice and fun and cute and just an awesome guy. He's never had a girlfriend and has only kissed one girl. He is just such a sweet guy... but yeah... totally not into me. sad huh?! Like... I'm pretty up front and forward when I like a guy and he's just so shy when it comes to girls... so I don't think the two of us will be meshing. But he's fun to hang out with. It's fun to have a crush on a guy again. It's always exciting when he calls and texts and when I run into him at the gym. BTW... he's hot and buff! ;) This is the summer of no boyfriends. Whenever a new semester starts I always screw myself into the ground because I date a guy right at the beginning and end up falling way harder than necessary... and I spend the rest of my semester trying to move on. Too much is happening this summer.

The Nate update. Things with Nate are on the most unsolid ground possible. I have absolutely NO idea what is going to happen with him. Jacey and I were talking about him the other day and in like mid conversation she just started laughing at me and was like... "You light up when you talk about him!" It's true. I get so so happy when I think and talk about Nate. It just worked at the time. We were perfect for eachother... even if just for those few months. And if that's what I remember of him for the rest of my life, then that's ok. I have no bad memories of Nate. He's an incredible guy and an amazing missionary, who never once hurt my feelings or upset me. He was genuine and caring and only ever made me happy. I have no memories of a heart breaking split with him and only think the best. He comes home in 2 months. Pretty much exactly. Maybe less, depending on transfer day. I'm still trying to figure out my game plan for that part of the summer. I'll for sure be in Rexburg. BUT... I think I might fly home for a weekend in early august. oh gosh... I don't know. I don't know if I want to see him right when he gets home. I think we need more than like... 2 days together. But that's never gonna happen with me in Idaho and him in MN and Utah. Do I even want to see if there is anything there? Maybe it would just be better for me to avoid the whole thing all together and just have fond memories of him. booo. I get so confused over it all.

I'm confused over a lot of things right now. holy cow... what else is new right?!?! I'm always confused about something. Last summer it was a mission. The mission question is still festering inside me... although I think I'm leaning more towards no. As gay as it sounds... I wanna get married in the next two years and start my family... I don't wanna wait like 5 more years. That would make me so sad. Anyway... I'm just confused period. Lately my biggest stupor of thought (and I haven't prayed about it much yet, so that is why it is still a stupor of thought) is where I'm gonna live 2nd block and in the fall. Some girls in my ward who I really like a lot and have a lot of fun with want me to move in with them. It's very tempting... and I'm still working on my decision. I think it would be really fun to start fresh with all new roommates that I've never lived with before... and these are really great girls. WHO KNOWS?!?!?! I'll decide sometime soon. I have to decide sometime soon.

I'm going to Provo this weekend. I'm excited for that. I'm excited to spend time with Lindsey and Audrey and especially my family!!! My adorable nieces and nephews and my sisters and brothers. I love my family... and right now... I'm just in major need of family time!

goodnight ya'll!

almost time for OC to start...

Fri, 06 May 2005 01:59:06 GMT

got this from bri... thought it could be interesting... and i'm bored for 10 minutes until OC THURSDAY begins!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Wendy
2. Wenz
3. Wendelyn

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My Hair
2. My teeth
3. My Shoulders (good idea, Bri!)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: just 3?
1. chest
2. toes
3. knees

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Scottish
2. Irish
3. Norwegian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. not being able to have kids
2. losing one of my parents
3. spiders

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Diet Coke
2. talking to my mom
3. Music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. sweatshirt
2. pajama pants
3. toe ring

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE MUSICALS:
1. Singin' In The Rain
2. Thorougly Modern Millie
3. 7 Brides For 7 Brothers

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Bring On The Rain - Jodee Mesina
2. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
3. One Flight Down - Norah Jones

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Lots of Laughing
2. Trust
3. spontanaity and adventure

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Smile
2. Wide Shoulders
3. Eyes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. violin
2. shopping
3. watching movies

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. go tanning
2. see my grandma
3. repeat the last 5 minutes

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. PR firm
2. corporate something...
3. being a mom :-)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. France
2. Italy
3. Australia

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE: pretty risky sharing my kids names... nobody better steal them!
1. Nichole
2. Joshua
3. Adelaide

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get married and have a big family
2. serve a mission... either next year or in 30
3. Make some kind of difference to somebody

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. makeup
2. a little sensitive... sometimes :-)
3. i get attached fast

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I like NCMO from time to time... :-/
2. i hate DTRs
3. i drive kinda crazy... not bad... just crazy!

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Vigo Mortenson... but only in Lord of the Rings
2. Johnny Depp
3. Josh Lucas

so... i started this before the oc, but it took me a while to do... so it became a commercial break project. and... BTW... BEST OC EPISODES EVER!!!

...

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 09:47:21 GMT

i am an insomniac to the max!!! i seriously do not know what is wrong with me. BONJOUR... it's 3:45 in the morning... and i'm just watching tv. actually... i just figured out my whole fall semester. we'll see if it actually works how i want it to. i kind of wish i could start college all over again. just erase all my credits and be a freshmen again... but that would mean sending nate off on his mission again and that was just an incredibly sucky time for me... so maybe i don't wanna go back two years. but it sucks that i didn't figure out my major until now. i feel so behind... and it doesn't help that i have wasted so many credits on orchestra. i love symphony. it's my dream to just sit in the back of an orchestra someday and play til my hearts content... but for now... 5 hours a week for one credit just isn't seeming worth it. this fall may be my last time in symphony. that's kind of sad. if everything works out as planned... my fall semester will be pretty tough... but that's good. i enjoy being challenged in my school work... and it's better for me to keep busy. last fall was way too easy. i didn't have enough to to do. so... i'm definitely looking forward to these next 8 months of school. even though i feel behind... i also feel like i'm accomplishing something at the same time.

*BTW* my bestfriends are dropping like flies. well... current bestfriends and old bestfriends... since hayley has now divorced me something like 3 times. who knows... i can't keep track. BUT... Rachel starts us off May 21st in LA. Then Audrey and Hayley I believe are both getting married the 13th of August. We can be sure I'll be attending aud's wedding in Portland!!! I'm so excited for her! Her ring is beautiful and I've never seen her happier!!! I'm a little envious... but mostly because she is probably honeymooning in Greece. Sweet? yep... i think so. If Lindsey were still getting married this summer I don't know what I would do. I get pretty torn up on the whole subject. Like... I'm seriously divided on it. Part of me wants so bad to serve a mission... just cuz I've always admired my sisters so much and they all went. Plus... I can't think of anything better than giving up 18 months to teach people about christ. it would be an incredible growing experience and i know i would love it. And I've always wanted to do a study abroad. And I've always just wanted to be independent and on my own before settling down. but at the same time... i want a big family. and i wanna get married and start that next phase in my life. ugh... i think too much! i guess the best thing to do is stop worrying about where i'm going and just enjoy where i'm at. everything will work out in the end.

insomniac? yep!

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 08:34:22 GMT

I have major sleeping issues. in the sense that i do it at the completely wrong time. last night wasn't so bad i guess. i think i slept pretty normal hours... but after breakfast this morning i came back to holly and kumens and went back to sleep until noon:30 when my phone started ringing. And now... it's 2:21 am and I'm just chillin. not sleepin. which is what i should be doing since my parents will be here at 8:30 tomorrow morning to go find a sacrament meeting somewhere in logan. shouldn't be too hard. k... random fact. logan dunn was named after the city of logan... which is where i'm staying... and will probably be spending a good deal of time at from here on out. holly is one of my most favorite people in the world. she knows me better than probably everyone and has the best insite and advice of all the people i care about. it's fun to be here with her and kumen and just relax.

So this week has been kinda up and down yeah. It's definitely fun to be back in the west. i loooove hanging out with audrey in provo and find myself wishing that i was living down here and not up in rexburg. buuuut... i have to live where i can go to school... and since i hate uvsc and will never ever go there... that means rexburg=home. ew scary thought. i met a hot guy from idaho falls tonight. *side note* He owns the restaurant my family ate at. He's like 27... and owns the two nicest restaurants in Logan... granted that isn't saying much... but still. He was cute and he's from idaho falls... so when he found out i go to school in rexburg we chatted for a bit. A guy from Idaho who know longer lives in Idaho and is actually doing something with his life... now that's impressive. Anywaaaay... back to my week. I went up to Rexburg on Tuesday to see some friends who are leaving for the summer and for a job interview at Wells Fargo. It was fun to see some friends. It's weird. I like... try to convince myself to like a guy... but if it's not there I can't just pretend. I don't know how girls can keep guys around just for a date on Friday night... cuz if I'm not feeling it... then I have absolutely no interest. That's kinda how it is with Tommy. As Rachel's fiance said..."He's got weak game! Whatever happened to Owen Wilson?" ps clark... that's you. ;) He thought Clark was really funny. Sooo... I went in for my job interview on Wednesday morning... and I thought it went fine. I didn't think I like... knocked their socks off or anything... but it went well. Friday is when everything started getting kinda crappy. So I was really really really hoping to be an EFY counselor this summer... and honestly... I really thought I was gonna get it. They called my home bishop and everything and he LOVES me!!! I know he said great things about me... but i still didn't get the job. the good part is that I did get the job at wells fargo. I just have to have faith that I'm supposed to be in school this summer and not knocking around utah and idaho as a youth counselor. I guess there are just some credits I'm supposed to finish up and who knows... maybe i'll really love the bank. I guess we'll see. So I was supposed to go to St. George with my parents for a couple days tomorrow... but instead I'll be spending Tuesday in Pocatello, ID for orientation. Hopefully they'll pay me well. Anything is better than the gay buckle!!! $4/hr base pay and 3% commission. NO THANKYOU TO THAT!!! I'm hoping around $8 or $9. I guess we'll see.

This is too long. sorry for being boring. luckily i'm putting myself to sleep and I think i'm safe to go lay down on the air mattress and fall asleep to sense and sensibility.

oh my gosh...

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 06:42:33 GMT

i'm insanely hyper right now. like no joke... bouncin off the walls!!! first i talked to daniel... then clark... then chad... and all the while getting more and more hyper!!! and now i'm talking to landon who thinks i'm psycho! well....... i'm gonna go watch tv now. and maybe take tylenol pm so i can actually fall asleep tonight. gooooood niiiiiiiight!

YES!

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 05:30:08 GMT

holy cow... this day is considerably better than yesterday. i'm so excited to go back to school this summer. it wasn't as bad last fall cuz i was only home for a month and a half... but now... after having been away for over 4 months... i'm so stoked! my 1st block is gonna be a little bit harder... just with a 7am class and not being done until like 2 or 3. and then if i'm working... but second term is gonna ROCK! tennis baby and field bio with rachel. we are gonna have way too much fun in that class. i'm just really excited. i was a little bit down these last couple days... and i'm sorry to anyone i may have been kind of bratty to....... or maybe to anyone i may have blamed for it all. yes you... i'm sorry. it's not your fault i can't get over you. :) anyway. i'm back to me and i'm happy and care free and GOING BACK TO IDAHO!!! which as you can tell... has me TOTALLY HAPPY AND EXCITED!!!

i don't know what i want

Sat, 16 Apr 2005 01:49:43 GMT

i have somehow found comfort in my own discomfort... which is pathetic yes... but i'm terrified of moving on from anything and everything just because i'm so used to feeling the way i feel right now. the packing continues. i don't have much more to do. that's awesome. i think i'll go watch return of the king with my mom while i fold tshirts and jeans into a suitcase. woohoo friday night!

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 17:17:41 GMT

i woke up at noon today.

grrr...

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 03:55:27 GMT

oh my gosh... i am so beyond bugged! i'm sick of other people forcing me to put my life on hold because of their indecisiveness. it stinks. all i ask for is a little bit of freaking space so that i can move on with my life and actually feel happy about how everything is turning out... and i can't even get that. i feel like i'm an alcaholic or something. i make a decision to be sober... but a couple days later when i have a tiny sip i can't stop. i make a decision to really try and distance myself... and i do well for a little while... but then i have a tiny slip up... like answering my phone or something gay like that... and i'm back at stage one. am i ever gonna get out of this freaking hole?

i'm pathetic... it's a true story

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 02:59:34 GMT

so my last journal i talked about how well rounded i used to be and how i wanna get that back..... this a conversation i had about 45 minutes ago.....

landon: you should major in shopping
me: hey... i can do other things
landon: uh huh
me: i can play the violin. (long pause) i can't think of any other talents!!!

it was quite funny! needless to say... i think i'll miss landon this summer and especially when he leaves on his mission. thanks for making the 7 innings i stayed for fun, babe!

and now cuz i feel like procrastinating......
Thirteen random things you like:
01) DOME DOGS... i was just at a twins game! :)
02) fresca
03) jelly roll pens
04) big cities... when i can take taxis everywhere
05) sweatshirts
06) tic tacs
07) kisses on the forehead
08) boys who wink ;)
09) massages
10) oooh steam rooms
11) smelly lotion
12) cute shopping bags
13) my scripture marking pen
Twelve Movies
01) Sweet Home Alabama
02) Emma
03) Laura (old but i love it!)
04) Dirty Dancing
05) Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
06) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
07) Gone With The Wind
08) Lord of the Rings
09) Nicholas Nickleby
10) Sabrina
11) Where The Heart Is
12) Gidget (has to be put on the list for the sake of Audrey and 512 love!)
Eleven things you watch on TV:
01) um... THE OC!
02) Amazing Race
03) American Idol
04) Dawson's Creek
05) Full House
06) Fox News (it's impossible to live with my parents and not)
07) Punk'd and Viva La Bam
08) Saved By The Bell
09) der... Friends
10) Seinfeld
11) Survivor if it's an oc re-run
Ten things about you ... physically:
01) 5'3"
02)blue eyes
03) blonde
04) straight hair
05) high hips
06) large big toe (it's sad but true)
07) inny belly button
08) short finger nails
09) 2 scars on my forehead
10) stubby fingers
Nine people you wish you knew better:
01) Jessica Skaj from work
02) Nate Evans family
03) the girls i used to live next to
04) the hot guy from my new testament class
05) Sarah Russell
06) Andrew Hoit
07) my cousins
08) my brothers in law
09) Kyra
Eight favorite foods/drinks:
01) Diet Coke
02) honeynut cheerios
03) BBQ chicken and Rice
04) lemonaid (not too sour)
05) oreos
06) chopped salad
07) filet mignon medium well :)
08) ice!
Seven things you wear daily:
01) my toe ring
02) my tiffany's set
03) a bra & underwear
04) makeup
05) deodorant
06) perfume
07) a smile :)
Six things that annoy you:
01) minivans
02) assumptions
03) slow drivers in the left lane
04) people who are fake
05) exaggeration
06) when my mom takes the fuzz buster down... ahh drives me nuts!
Five things you touch everyday:
01) tooth brush & tooth paste
02) cell phone
03) ipod
04) white flip flops... i can't stand to go barefoot ANYWHERE!!!
05) sensa pen for journaling... and i guess my journal goes with that.
Four good bands/artists:
01) tim mcgraw
02) justin timberlake
03) dmb
04) greenday
Three places you go regularly:
01) brueggers
02) church
03) Utah
Two of your favorite books:
01) shopaholic series
02) Harry Potter
One person you want to see right now:
01) any of my sisters! so sorry... but that's 3 people i want to see right now.

ok... and now i really really need to get packing!

golf...

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 17:11:25 GMT

so lately i've really been missing all the activities i did when i was younger. i miss dance and soccer and tennis and piano and running and just having fun and being athletic and well rounded. sooo. my dad knocks on my door this morning and asks if i wanna go to the driving range. i actually went. and not only did i have fun... but i'm not too bad. i had some pretty far drives right down the middle. i think that's gonna be something i try and work on this summer. just go golfing every once and a while. maybe take a lesson here and there when i'm home for a weekend or down in provo at riverside. my dad has been trying to get me to take golf lessons since i was 10 years old. it was very fun standing by him on the course today. not to mention my TENNIS CLASS that i'm taking second block. now that's gonna rock!

hmmm...

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 22:13:19 GMT

I'm thinking tennis could be fun. i used to rip it up on the tennis court at wcc when i was a little girl. definitely a consideration. summer semester is supposed to be fun anyway. not boring. I think second block would be better with just tennis and field bio. definitely!

trying to find the optimism in it all...

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 16:35:58 GMT

so... i only have 5 more days living at home... WHICH I LOOOOOVE! I have had a lot of fun living at home with my parents, but it sucks too. I'm just ready to be back on my own schedule doing my own thing. I talked to my favorite girl from work last night and i think we might go do something this week. She's the only thing I miss about the buckle. oh yeah... and the discount, but oh well.

I need to figure out a job for this summer. I know I'm going to want one... so now I just have to figure out where. Rochet says come to Melaleuca. I dunno if I would like that or not. It's something to consider. I wish I had gone back to North Memorial this winter. That was such a good job and the things I did there were worth while. oh well. can't look back... only forward!

So yeah... I wanted to take this mass media communications class this summer but there is only one spot left... so it looks like I'll have to add that one when I get there. if I'm even there 2nd term. Which I probably will be... which stinks. Except taking Field Bio with Roch will be SO FUN! Anyway... I wish I could do the efy thing and not be around 2nd summer but there are so many qualified people who apply to be counselors... and the chances of me standing out to them and getting the job are slim to none. so goes life. I have to register for 2nd block and one of my classes is already full.

i don't understand

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 02:51:49 GMT

my heart hurts. a lot. i don't know why and i don't know what happened... but i know that i'm really sad right now.

random thoughts on my weekend in chi town

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 04:34:29 GMT

oh man... i had a whole lot of irrationality (i don't think that is an actual word...) typed out... and even posted for a short time... and I knew I would regret it and I did/do. So I've deleted it... and I will do a chicago update another time. Ugh I hope my over emotional-ness (holy cow... I'm just making up my own words tonight) hasn't done any damage...... eeek oh well!

annoying a little bit?

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 22:19:40 GMT

so. my dell sucks. like it actually really does. i think my burner is like... broken or something. ok... so i have a million mixes off my itunes that i really love, so what do i want to do with them? i want to burn them on to discs so i can listen to them in my car without having to deal with the converter plug in thingy and bringing my ipod everywhere with me. it really shouldn't be that complicated of a process. so... i've probably tried 4 different times in the last couple days to burn a cd. the first time it got to song 8 then froze. the second time it got to song 3 then froze. the third time it didn't even make it through song 1 and the last time i tried... which was this morning... it got through song 5. soooo... i'm on the phone with dell right now. kind of. i've actually been on hold for 34 minutes and 42 43 44 45 seconds. oh my gosh annoying. like... should i hang up and call back? should i just keep sitting here waiting? this woman... who barely even speaks english, i might add... doesn't even know what the problem is because she only talked to me for 2 minutes before putting me on hold... probably to get help cuz she has no idea what is going on. oh my gosh... i'm getting like more and more frustrated as the seconds go by. i'm gonna tweak at any moment. and my poor lap top is probably gonna take the pain for it. i've already considered throwing it in the lake behind my house. alright alright... it's more like a pond. grrrrrrrrrrrr!

WTF?

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 18:11:21 GMT

ok... so he emails me and says he can't email anybody but family for the rest of his mission. and i'm totally understanding of that. I want him to be obedient... it's important to me that he be obedient. BUT... today he emails back a chick he went to highschool with?! WHAT?!?! like... it's a joke. I just can't believe he would do that. I dunno if he just felt bad not responding or what... so he just went ahead and wrote back. whatever. that bugs so much. i just need to forget him... but it's freaking hard. I've tried so many times to write him off and forget about him... but in the end i always miss him.

94 and going strong...

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 18:00:17 GMT

I love that man so much! This is seriously one of my favorite weekeneds of the year. I love conference and I love listening to President Hinckley speak. Everytime he stands to address the church I become a little 15 year old girl standing in a beautiful white room hugging a prophet of God. I love that feeling and I love that memory. The influence that hour block of time has had on my life is incredible and my testimony of him as a living prophet multiplies by 10 every time I hear him speak.

cute clothes...

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 05:16:42 GMT

so I'm pretty sure I just bought some of the cutest things I've ever owned. Like...... a pink suit. I know it sounds straight out of the 70s... but it's actually adorable. And the truth is, I don't think I'll ever actually wear the jacket with the pants. But the pants are really cute with a jean jacket and the jacket is really cute with black pants! So... I bought cute black pants to go with the jacket. Oh gosh... my budget is tightening so much this summer and I'm afraid it's going to send me into a little bit of shock. Not that I'm addicted to spending... though there is a certain someone who pretty much thinks I'm out of control with money. I just got into bad habits when I went to school... and now I have to undo them. Mistake #1... giving me a credit card. My parents should have gone in the debit direction with me. Once you're out of money... you're out of money. Sometimes I feel like a little girl playing mall with her friends. You just swipe the card and sign your name and next thing you know..... you have a new outfit. or even worse... just type in 16 digits and an expiration date and press enter and 3 days later you have a package on your doorstep. It's pathetic... I realize this. That's why I went to my dad and told him I would run my family into the ground someday if I didn't learn to budget. He fully agreed and we are in the process of coming up with a budget that will suit my needs and very few wants. I'll probably go nuts... but in the long run I think it will be majorly good for me!

So last night there was a singles dance. I considered going for about 2 minutes when my mom said, "hey, maybe that tony guy will be there." yep... pretty sure that comment made the decision for me. After our date tony proceeded to call me every day for a week and a half... then 3 times a week... then he didn't call at all for a whole week and I thought i'd heard the last of him... and then he started up again. Last I heard from him..... Wednesday night. sad to say... I didn't answer. I feel like such a brat... but I think I've done all I can. Guys always say to just be upfront. If you don't like them that's fine, just be honest about it. Don't lead them on or ignore their calls. I TRIED BEING UPFRONT! I said I didn't think it was going to work. HELLO... there was no clicking. The kid drove me crazy. And I told him that... in nicer words of course. YET... he continued to call. SO... I didn't answer. Anyway... that's why I didn't go to the dance and ended up spending the evening in my basement with my mom watching jane austin movies. I'm really gonna miss my mom when I go back to school. She's like... the only friend I have here. It's sad but I actually really like it. Who knows me better than my mom?? pretty sure nobody except maybe my sisters. She's my bestfriend and I've really enjoyed my time with her this winter.

I quit my job. yeah... pretty sure I hated it. I loved the girls I worked with and even some of the guys were cool and I didn't mind the 40% discount either. But my hot asst. manager went from friendly to flirty to a hole, and once he turned mean i just started feeling like an idiot. and i was always stuck on these insanely long shifts with him and I just hated it. My manager told me I was only gonna have like 2 more days of work anyway, so I was like...hmmm I'm done. I have more important things to focus on anyway. Like getting ready to go back to school. I think I've settled on communications, public relations as my major... so now I have to figure out all my classes for this summer. Since I'm flying back to Uter I have to sort through all my clothes and figure out what I really need out there and what I can live with out. Plus I have to pack up all my fall/winter stuff so my parents can mail it out to me next september. Holy cow I wish I knew where I was gonna be in a year. It's so funny... I totally remember saying that last year. And where am I? no place exciting... that's for sure. But yeah... in a year I could be transferred to a different school... I could be on a mission... I could be engaged... I could be married... I could still be single (which is the most likely of them all :))! I feel like everything is going by so fast. How am I already into my 21st year. I was 16 yesterday... flying around wayzata in my white explorer. Sliding into ditches and almost hitting telephone poles with sae. Speeding to football games in edina with 7 people in the back of my car. Oh gosh... growing up sucks.

So this is the longest thing EVER! I'm gonna go exercise and watch Titanic! :) see ya!

sad

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 06:22:39 GMT

so... I know I shouldn't be checking his email anymore... but I was really sad when I didn't get an email from him today... cuz when you get an email from a person every monday for a year and a half... you miss them when they stop coming. So anyway... I was looking at some pics he emailed home to his family and I came across this one. I know it just looks like a frog, but if you look closer and in the background there is a picture up on the wall. It's my favorite one of us... and it's the same one I had next to my bed up until about 2 months ago. :-( Now I'm sad... and I think I'm just gonna write him a letter. Even though things are pretty much done... I still miss him and I'm still sad for him cuz he has so little support from here right now and he's so close to being done. alrighty... so that's my sad story.

He emailed this picture to me a long time ago... and I included it just cuz I'm having an "I miss Nate" day so I wanted to put it in here cuz he is so cute singing christmas carols with his district at the mall. Sweet boy!!!

OK... and now onto something fun!!! yet another thing I got from Bri's LJ.

1. Pick a band and answer only using the band's song titles: Green Day
2. Are you male or female: She
3. Describe yourself: Extraordinary Girl
4. Your best piece of advice: Nice Guys Finish Last
5. Describe your last relationship: Having A Blast
6. Describe your last crush: Reject... haha that's tony... cuz I guess I did have an extremely minor crush on him for maybe a day.... maybe
7. Say something to someone you have a crush on: Welcome To Paradise
8. Say something to an ex: Coming Clean
9. Say something to someone who hurt you severely: Jackass
10. How do you feel right now: Wake Me Up When September Ends

rexburg

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 01:29:59 GMT

Ducky inspired me to make a list of all the things I miss about Rexburg. Maybe it will be long... maybe really short. who knows. Lets see here.....

1: having friends around constantly
2: church 30 seconds away
3: broulims... i love that grocery store
4: Jamba Juice
5: OC all night long
6: OC with friends... I miss singing the theme song with Lindsey and tone deaf Ducky
7: watching ducky cook me dinner... haha!
8: Leslie chucking the dishes in the sink cuz a boy is over at 11:09
9: duh my bestfriends in the world Lindsey and Ducky!!! and I wish Auds would come back!
10: the dollar theater
11: RAYS!
12: having boys 100 yards away from my home
13: the cute boy i sat next to in new testament
14: The grays
15: and eric too
16: Friends non stop
17: mattresses in the main room for over a week!!!
18: pissing off nadine and leslie intentionally
19: dan the gas man
20: speeding through the ridge parking lot
21: jessie bessie and her messy room
22: the boys in building 9
23: breakfast fromt he clark building
24: SYMPHONY
25: Emily May
26: Sliding down the stairs on my mattress
27: watching tv on ducky's bed when she's not home
28: or when she is home!
29: attempting to roast almonds and almost burning down the whole apartment
30: banana bread catastrophys
31: eating everyone else's labeled food when they're not around
32: running next door
33: having my radar detector for a reason
34: seeing certain cars on the road and dipping into a neighborhood to avoid them
35: the pretty christmas lights on mainstreet in december (ok, that wont happen again for a while)
36: sitting on my bed and looking into L*Ho's room and seeing her sitting on her bed (how romantic... totally kidding!)
37: Fongs
38: Wendy's down the street
39: seeing fun mn peeps on campus
40: driving to UTer

wow... i can't really think of many more things I miss about that place... but I really miss it and I'm stoked to go back. If I ever figure out who I'm living with. DUCKERS and LINDSEY for suuuure! Hayley... not positive yet and anybody else... maybe near, but most likely definitely not with!